Losing loved ones is a sad part of life, that unfortunately happens when we aren’t ready – but would we ever really be ready? Death is inevitable. It makes us sad, we mourn in our own ways, and the cycle continues. But sometimes the cycle doesn’t need to start at all. Sometimes death doesn’t hurt us.
And On That Day, No Tears Were Shed
My grandmother died a few days ago. Save yourself the dramatics. I haven’t cried. I’m not sad, and I don’t need time to “accept the gravity of the situation”. She’s gone. But she always was, wasn’t she? Without getting into the nitty gritty details – She wasn’t the standard grandmother-ly type. She didn’t exactly bake me cookies and give me smooches when she saw me.
This may sound crude, and maybe shouldn’t be discussed on a public platform like this, but as usual – I’m going to test my boundaries a little bit.
Some may say I shouldn’t talk about this. But I disagree. I think I need to talk about this. I know I can’t be the only person who has experienced this in their lives, and I need you to know that your allowed to not be sad about death.
Setting Your Own Standards For Mourning
Mourning is an exhausting process. It literally kicks the hell out of you, and leaves you questioning your very existence. It can take hours, days, weeks, months, or years. It’s painful, but necessary at times. Key word: at times.
Do yourself a favour, and acknowledge that you don’t need to put yourself into the mourning phase, if you don’t have anything to mourn. Just because you feel like you should be sad, doesn’t mean you have to be.
If you aren’t sad about the death of a family member, don’t fake it. Go on with your life. Again, this sounds awful – but trust in my process.
Evil exists, and sometimes, in very unfortunate circumstances, it ends up in your blood line. You can either let it soak up all the goodness inside of you, or you can isolate it and pretend it doesn’t exist.
Evil exists, and when it bites the dust, you’re allowed to breathe your breath of fresh air and get on with your day.
Death is a Part of Life
As I said, death is going to come when we least expect it, and it is never going to stop coming. It’s going to rip away some of the strongest relationships we have, and there is nothing we can do about it, aside from mourning the loss of their life. I don’t think it is necessary fair to assume that death is always sad, because it really isn’t always.
Even the greatest relationships end with death, and don’t leave us feeling sad. I have yet to experience this first hand, but I could definitely foresee a situation where death just makes us feel calm.
When somebody leaves us, and this world – but has made a lasting imprinting on our lives, maybe it’s okay to feel a sense of calm. Disagree with me if you’d like, but I’m a firm believer in the fact that people come into our lives when we need them the most, and sometimes their purpose doesn’t include staying with us.
Some people make short appearances in our lives, and we sort just have to accept it, when their time with us is over.
Losing loved ones can feel like that sometimes. Maybe they suffered for a long time, physically or mentally, and death was their only escape.
I don’t know… I just think we need to be less judgemental about death and the whole mourning process. We have no idea how we are going to handle it until we have to. And we can’t fault one another for dealing with it in a “strange way”. There really is not strange way to grieve. We do what we have to, in order to get by.
Be Sad If You Need To
If being sad is what you need to do to feel better, then do it. If releasing a balloon into the air with a “message to them in heaven” will help you, then do it. If sitting alone in a room for 48 hours without moving will heal you, then do it. Don’t set standards to healing for yourself or others, because we never know how healing is going to feel, or how long it is going to take.
My grieving structure has always seemed to be a period of “numbness”, where it doesn’t really sink in until weeks or months later, and then I get really sad… but at that point I’m not even sure why I’m sad.
It’s like a physiologically reaction to the pain – it happens subconsciously without me realizing it. I’ve come to realize what it means now, though. We all react differently to death, but when somebody isn’t sad about it – don’t judge them.
Life is too short to force sadness on yourself, just because society tells you that you should be sad. If you aren’t in need of grieving, take it as a blessing in disguise. But if you need to mourn, take your time. Whatever you need, when ever you need it – we’ve got your back, the Universe and me.