Let’s cut to the chase, ladies and the occasional gentleman – I’m a hot mess. Scratch that – I’m an “okay looking but sort of low-key funny mess”. Better? I think so too. I’m in the third week of my last year of school and I have already had 2 exponential life crises. But I’m okay, alright? I just impulsively dyed my hair after months of saying I was ‘letting it do its thing‘, I have a large pimple growing on the east side of my face, and I’m shamelessly listening to Thomas Rhett at an obnoxious volume level. Oh, and I just got a tummy ache from eating 2 sleeves of double stuffed Oreos. Yeah, I know, it’s incredible that I can’t tell myself to stop eating over stuffed cookies, but I’m somehow trusted to vote for our countries next leader. Astonishing, really.
Welcome To Season 6 Of Your Life
Okay, I straight up feel like I’m on season 6 of my life and the writers are just doing whatever the hell they want to keep things interesting. The time is now. CANCEL MY SHOW, ALREADY! I want to live out the rest of my days on a yacht with unlimited mimosas and 2 large gentlemen fanning me with palm leaves.
Honestly though, the past 3 weeks I find myself saying “Seriously?!” at least once a day. I just can’t seem to get it together, and I’ve essentially given up on trying. Things are going to keep going wrong, so I might as well except that. Wine exists and so do cute dogs with floppy ears, so things could be much worse, my friends.
Do Whatever The Hell You Want, Unapologetically
I don’t care if “life is too short” or “the grass is always greener on the other side”. Do whatever the hell you want. I could give you some real fortune cookie crap, and you’d probably eat it up but then next week you’d go back to being the miserable toad you were before. *I can say that, because I too, am a miserable toad* Welcome to the club, friend.
Stop looking for signs, or waiting for advice from your friends, because nobody knows what the heck they are doing. Oprah’s lying and Dr. Phil is always happy because he has an endless supply of sweet tea. If you want to stay up until 3 in the morning binge watching Say Yes To The Dress and crying about how nobody is ever going to love you, I support you. We all need to have that moment of “what the fuck”, to know exactly ‘what the fuck’ is going on – And I mean that in the most polite ‘no mom I would never swear on the internet‘ kind of way.
Mid-life crises don’t need to happen in the middle of your life, my dudes. I mean, technically we have no real way of knowing when the middle of our lives are, so let’s just agree to have a continuous life crisis and maybe people will stop asking us if we are okay. No, Barb I’m not okay – Polar bears are slowly dying and my visa was declined at Wal-Mart yesterday.